It only gets harder the more that you know.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Chem mock today was a total disaster. Argh. Bite me. I felt so stupid arriving in school thinking I was early and realised my paper's not at 8am but 2pm and I woke my darling WANS up. An inside out kukoo.
I wonder why is it I used to think having a "happening" lifestyle will make me feel happier, make my life feel fuller. I realised its true that when I club I get escatic but the day after and the days after just leave me feeling more empty than ever. It became an addiction.
And then just like the way it came (with no firsthand warning at all), its gone. Now I feel happy just taking long bus rides, leaving my poor bumass numbed and doing nothing all day long but feeling like I've got everything I want and need. I did not meant for it to sound icky and eeky and mushy and all but I guessed I had enough angry/sad/disappointed/crushed/put anything negative here entries.
Its not to make people who feel empty to feel worse. I wish I could put it into words about how one day everything will be better. Although its hard to believe, trust me, I know its hard, but it really will be.
I'm really thankful for all the things you did. Those with huge impact, those dramatic moving shit, down to all the tiny gestures like packing my room, packing my worksheets, buying the stupid tingting sweet that spoils our teeth (YOU KNOW HOW PARTICULAR WE ARE ABOUT OUR TEETH CONDITIONS RIGHT RIGHT) and massaging my stinky feet on the damn bus (HAHAHA! Sorry if I put you down as a MAN here). And many many many many more.
I think I'll just settle down right here at this port. The sea may be never ending but who knows when I will find another one that makes me feel as complete as this. (:
I swear I will not change in the taxi again with my arms put into my sleeves and looking like a damn ***** trying to squeeze into a condom.
6:16 AM