It only gets harder the more that you know.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
there's only us.
there's only now.
forget regret.
or life's yours to miss.
there are countless times i caught myself at this page with many thoughts, although eventually i did not type them out. reason being i am afraid i would not do my thoughts justice with my words. simply because i am so afraid the things i type do not turn out to be the exact way they are in my mind.
that aside, RENT made me feel so insignificant. i realised that there are many things i will never get the opportunity to getting close, not to say learn about them. if my life is measured, how much meaning will it contain? have i even felt wha these people felt, or even come close to feeling it? i cant explain how the love portrayed in this movie touched me more than the teary romantic cliche love portrayed in all romantic love stories these days. perhaps its how raw it is that really got to me. and how brave it is. maybe its the controversy of it that made it so fascinating. i cant explain why angel is such a dear to me. maybe its how he or she, affected everyone around without going out of the way to do it. how her little actions just who she is that actually got me envious of the people around her. maybe its just the way she love, how it comes so naturally and real. how her presence made everyone come so bonded together. just like no matter what happen love is still around.
argh, see wha i mean in my first paragraph. i wish it doesnt sound that superficial because really, it is not. catch it people if you can. opinions may differ from mine, but i honestly rate it a worthy show. im fascinated by how fascinated i can get with all the things people might not understand why i am fascinated with. to them, it may be trivial and insignificant and something they would not give a second thought or deeper thought about. hmmm.
i apologise for behaving like an angst-filled bitch . i hope it didnt spoil your day. and sorry for turning down your nice intentions. actually i dont know what i am sorry for. possibly my guilt. and i feel so disgusted with myself for that.
for more of the everyday-of-my-life part of the post, lets just say i missed the tanning session i so wanted to have. i did not know mum was not working today until this morning when i woke up and found her in bed still. just like i guessed, she forbidded me to go out and insisted that i visit grandma together with the family. a BIG sorry to grace especially. i promise a make up trip very very soon aites. (:
i collected my specs today. its so red. i think i might look a little like a bitchy secretary. cant decide if thats good or bad. my mum deposited money into my account and discovered a huge wedge of it gone. her eyes went round as saucers and seriously i was scared out of my wits that she would really confiscate my card. how can i survive without it.
went for dinner with uncle alan. he called me in the afternoon and made sure i join them. "family meeting" he said. :/ ended up discussing about me working at winebar and the housing issues. blablabla. got me very very troubled. when im not even supposed to be worried about issues like that! but okay, he's right in some ways. analysing problems like that will do me good cause i will face them in the future. i kind of like the fact i am included in adult conversations. ((:
this is going to be a long-winded entry because i realised there are quite a number of things i want to talk about. went for dinner with meil and chien at marche on april's fool day. can you believe they actually chat up a staff there. i think people from random shops all over town know who they are. oh, and i went shopping with ch yesterday, together with doug and sy. i haven caught up with sy for such a long long long time. tsk, where is the heart. but had a greaat time and both ch and doug end up buying crumplers. ch bought the big grey one and doug bought the small grey one. its a freaking 189 bucks for the bigger one.
dance's been fun. but i stil cant do the move-my-head to the side thing. the steps just accumulate every week. i better start practising before i lag too far behind. psst mei, i dont have a lot of time, i just got bored with the old skin. and it was starting to get to the extent where i get sick looking at it. just looking at it and i dont feel like blogging anymore. haha.
did the 2.4 run on fri. it started raining halfway through but we finished the run. i did very badly, so disappointing but at least i passed. thanks qing love for running the last lap with me despite finishing her run already. (((:
i'll be your shelter. just pay me back with one thousand kisses,
eileen
xoxo
9:21 AM