It only gets harder the more that you know.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
once upon a time, i thought counseling cant make things better. for me, at least. i thought i knew all that i needed to know, i thought all the advice that could be given are cliche. i thought i was so mature to be able to handle it so well. how wrong had i been, for it was not how mature i am that pulled me through, but instead how young and ignorant i was then.
i was capable of going through the whirlwind of events. thinking back now, all i could remember was a blur of faces, events. when candidate A couldnt make it B came into the picture very soon after. too soon after. but then eventually she settled for him. i thought it was happily ever after. but i was wrong.
secretly i sympathised those who had their views altered after such drama in their families. i thought then that would never happen to me. i had no idea in a discreet manner it already had. how do you describe the feeling when what you thought was real for as long as you can remember turn out to be a facade after all? its like i have to build everything up again.
now im left confused. what is real and what is not? im not that sure anymore. it doesnt help that the only one i can pour my heart to is you. i dont know what you mean to me. the love's not there, but why do i miss you so in times of desperation? but then you never know, everything's unsure.
i long for someone who would say those words i long to hear, hold me in his arms the way i want to be held. but then again how long have i searched in vain? in times like this who could listen, comfort me with silence and love me all the same if not more?
the times i've asked why is it that i have to go through all these while majority of others dont are countless. each time i'd console myself that everything happens for a reason. mishaps happen just so precious lesson is learnt. but then when it happens time and again, the consolation just seem lame.
there are times you feel like you are all alone no matter who is there,
eileen
12:12 AM