It only gets harder the more that you know.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
i woke up despite my desperate need of more sleep to send sher off to aussie. when i see that by 7am elroy still hasnt called i just had the bad feeling he was going to be late. bingo, my sense seldom fails me. i called and he had just woken up. looked at myself through the reflection on the closed shop door. thought i looked like a druggie having withdrawal symptoms. a mangle of hair, bloodshot eyes. walked over to cheers with a really bad tonsil. bought a bottle of starbucks mocha and sat on the stairs.
eyed by a few ah bengs who look a better state than me. waited for elroy to come in the cab and took it all the way to changi. feel so dramatic when i saw the control tower. even more so when the cab stopped outside T1. feel like dashing into the airport shouting for sher. saw him and jl queueing at bk. only 15 more mins before he needs to check in. alven and hc who were two of his closest friend didnt turn up. hc couldnt get up on time.mei and andy bought him a slice of cake and a box of chocolates.
finally he checked in and he looked like he was going to cry. we werent. jl was our teasing target. i felt sad, but i dont feel like showing it. anw, our tears dont mean much. ironic it is. how those he cared least were those that at least cared to bid him off.
talked to shin and jl on sat night. talked throughout the night. sat on the swing outside his house, those memories. talked about the grp and how much it has changed. friendship is not a one sided affair. it doesnt matter how hard one party try. cus if the other party dont give a shit the friendship is never going to work out. its not abt how hard the girls try, we try. its not about couples within the grp, you cant help about things like that. its abt how the guys think, its abt how much they care. sadly, they dont.
to them, we girls may not even be part of the grp. i have no regrets whatsoever abt wha i have done or wha i have not done. cus i have done all that i shld. so if one day the grp should drift further apart, my regret will never be i haven tried hard enough. my only regret will be why didnt everyone try.
the talk on sat was just to catch up with my gfs, just to get everything i have been longing to say said. there will never be a solution if there isnt any change in attitude. and a change in attitude in difficult especially when they dont even see anything wrong.
i shld have been angry at the way things is going but im not. im heartbroken cus it means alot to me. the friendships of not just those that are closer to me within the grp, but the friendships of everyone in the grp.
again, its not going to work out if its one sided.
nuff' said,
eileen.
7:40 PM