if there is only a thin line between right and wrong, then where does the grey area lies? if bonds could break so easily then why do they exist at all? if you dump it after you got it why do you chase after it at all?

the intoxicating happiness is drowning me, the happier i feel, the more afraid i am. its like holding something precious close to you, its so precious to you that you dont find yourself happy in owning it anymore. cus every moment you're so afraid of losing it, you couldnt even love it properly. it gets scary when you love something too much, cause every single waking or unconscious moment you're worried about losing it.

does it always have to be so hard? even posting this entry make me feel so blasting miserable. the emotions are overflowing, rushing to get out, but i dont know how to put them into words. its upsetting to know that you cant enjoy being in love, cus you've lost the faith. maybe i try too hard.

the magic of it all seem so delusional, like when i turn my back it will be gone. how strong can love be anyway? something you cant get a firm grip on, something that has no warranty, something that doesnt feel real, who can assure me, when i wake up tomorrow, he'll be standing there as usual, waiting to greet me with a kiss, to go to school together? something so insignificant that has already become part of your life. something you shudder at the thought of losing. something that cannot assure you it will happen forever. but then again, how tangible is forever?

dont blame me for not having my faith. you think you are the victim? THINK AGAIN.

faithless,
eileen*