im sad that the year begin with me losing one of my best friends. you know the feeling of explaining so much that you just dont want to go on anymore? i feel exactly that way now. this time i guess i lost her for good.

i thought people should forgive and forget? if acquaintances can do then its needless to say that friends can as well. i wished we had quarrelled, then at least it shows that we still cared, but we dont even bother. things seem like its alright, but things will never be the same again, not ever.

if our friendship were to end like that, because of a guy and accusations then there is nothing i can do either. i thought our friendship was stronger than that, i guess i was wrong. i thought we went through much, maybe they dont mean a shit to you. i thought i meant something to you, now its obvious i dont. when i was badly hurt you was not there. when i needed all of my besties to be there, only two were around. now i know, how fragile and weak our friendship was.

and YOU, please take into consideration that both of you are not the only thing alive that feels. i feel too, if you think you are so fucking important why dont you just shut the two of you up? its okay if you dont care about how other people feel, just dont make them feel worse. the reason why im caring less is because of people like you.

but no matter how little i care, at least its more than you. we were supposed to be best friends, but where was your faith, your trust in me and your love for me? i dont see it. things i do to you that wasnt okay turns out to be okay when you do them to me. i wanna say i hate you but i cant, cus i know i dont.

thats the reason why im always under you, cus i love you much more than you do.

bitter and sad,
eileen*