when my life gets this screwed i thought about the first time it happened. and then it made sense, IT MADE SENSE.

i wanna swear out loud at someone. but i dont know who. its sucks. when i was ms kind hearted i got pushed around. so i decided not to let my guards down and be the bad one. then i got my retribution. wha the fcuk did i go wrong. i ask myself times and again. then i realised, NOTHING.

everytime it happens, it POURS, i wanna cry but the tears are used up. im angry, at who i dont know. but when it happens, it seems like its with everybody. i wanna talk but i dont know how to start. i dont even know wha am i supposed to say. i think i ask too much of life and i complain and whine too much. i hope nobody comes my way or im bound to fight with him or her. so please, stay away.

i cant wait to start anew, but a huge part of me doesnt want to. i feel like YOU dont understand. who the fuck ever will? i feel like dying. just kill me please, please. END MY MISERY.

i hate the fact i saw through it so easily, is it a gift or a curse, now i wonder, i really do.
eileen