i was naive to think things would not change, but it does, and im not liking the direction its steering into. perhaps we dont understand each other enough, you seemed to be a changed man, i like the way you talk in the past, funny and witty, i dont want you to follow my shoes, i dont want to be the everything, i cant take up that role, its overwhelming, im suffocating. i feel uneasy, all the small things make a big change, dont go wherever i go, dont say whaever i say, dont think whaever i think, dont neglect your frens. dont show how crazy you are over me, dont show it all, im intimidated, im scared.

am i asking too much? i dont know, i just wish things didnt change, thats all. dont have to walk by my side all the time, dont have to look at me all the time, dont have to send me home all the time. im going nuts and pls dont say its your fault or whaever, i guess it comes natural to you, im not blaming you, but i just want you to know how i feel. im afraid you would get upset if i talk to people, you know, but this is wha i am, call me a busybody or whaever, if my frens are troubled, i want to help, and i dont want this to change, i dont know how to put it into words, im so scared i might affect you badly with all these but it doesnt seem fair if you dont know how i feel. i dont even know if you understand wha i mean, wha if you misinterpret, arghhh!

sometimes i really hate myself to the core, sometimes i tell myself, if its so hard to get the happiness i want, why dont i just grant people their happiness instead, will it work out better that way? i dont want to tell you through my blog but i need to talk and i need it badly. i dont want to bother my frens abt this anymore but i need to talk abt how i feel, i blame myself for getting you into this. i swear, i swear with all my heart, you are the last person i want to hurt, so please, dont let it affect you bad, i just need to pour it out without hurting you, really, if i had known it would turn out this way, i would not have agreed to it, in that case, i dont have to hurt you, you dont have to get hurt. i dont know wha i am talking abt, i feel im going crazy, im crazy. i am, aint i?