It only gets harder the more that you know.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

yday was really one of a kind, not a gd one of a kind but a bad one, very bad one indeed. couldnt do much but just bawl and moan and holler at that little imp the whole time.

its a bad day, i think i really screwed my test up though i swear with my bloody head i did study hard for it! and then i accidentally leak out nianya's secret and i feel so damn bad. and then i gotta go back home so i cant help out with xuemin and gang for the humans board and i think thay were angry with me.

after that i got home and my mum told me no, i cant go out, which is devastating cus its impt to me and i dont have a choice do i? but to stay home, and then that imp kept disturbing me, she on the tv volume so loud i thought the whole family's ear drums might burst and then she on all the lights when the sun is like shining so brightly and off the fan. tell me, how am i supposed to rest like that?

feeling all dejected i decided to go online, then abra start talking to me and telling me how sorry he is for elroy, come on, can you put yourself in my shoes? and then i know to you wha kinda gurl i am and im sorry you think this way. all this for thinking you understand me well. bullshit. its not about taking things for granted, not about being sensitive(for in actual fact i am not a gd gf you think so thats not me being oversensitive is it?),not about all that. its about how i think im not good enough, its about he's too nice and dont deserve anyone like me, cus im not a gd gf. you dig that? its okay if you dont wanna talk to me ystd, or even anymore, cus yaa, i know how and wha you think of me.

you dont know how hard i try, you dont know wha does it mean when your mind and your heart wants this but it turns out you doing sth else. you wont understand.

wha makes ystd most depressing was you abra, cus it shocked me to know wha kinda person i am to you, it shocked me to know how much you dont understand about my plight, it shocked me to see my gd friend not showing any concern of my helluva day but only for the plight of my bf cus i couldnt go out with him on a special day. you got it all wrong, maybe you think i didnt get the permission to go out was just an excuse, or was just my fault and you know wha? you dont know how much i want to get my butt out there. you dont know anything and it hurts, it stings, you dont know none of that. even if you know, you might think i deserve that, cus im not some saint. pfft.



10:33 PM

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